The Gift of "No"

As we progress through this week’s blog posts, I’d like to continue focusing our attention on the slave mentality; and since today is the day that we direct our energy towards purposely and positively affecting others’ lives, I want to talk to you about giving people the gift of “no”. For the past two days, we’ve been considering the lengths that individuals with enslaved minds will go to take advantage of others. Well, today I’d like to challenge you to set boundaries for the slaves in your life. I’d like to encourage you to stop funding the advancement of slavery.

As a professional in the finance industry, I often accept education and training opportunities to assist individuals, couples, and small businesses with managing their finances. A few years ago, I was contacted by a couple who were interested in learning how to organize and direct their income and expenses so that they could strengthen their financial position. They appeared to be prime candidates for achieving financial freedom. Neither of them had credit cards, car loans, or any other substantial debt hanging over their heads. Their problem seemed to lie in a lack of planning and tracking their spending. However, as I listened to them and learned more about them I realized that the real dilemma was the fact that these two individuals were trying to achieve financial freedom with a slave money mentality. To make matters worse, they were unwilling to join forces and finances to achieve this goal. Still, I could clearly see their potential to change and grow as a couple and as financially responsible adults.

Over the next few of months, I worked with them mapping out financial plans that they could execute with success. I even provided my own money and transportation to assist them with what I thought were their goals, and when I saw their commitment threatening to collapse I offered to help them for free because I wanted to see them succeed. I believed wholeheartedly that they could. Unfortunately, that wasn’t what they wanted. This couple was more interested in basking in the ability I had given them to take advantage of me than in their potential to reach greater heights in their financial position. All they wanted from me was help to pay the bills they had created and for me to pretend with them that they were forging ahead on the path to change. These were people who couldn’t make ends meet because they refused to set common goals or combine their finances to achieve them.

I wanted them to want better for themselves because I knew they could have better but in the end, I had to let them go. I had to stop wasting my time. I had to quit trying to give them my faith and expertise because they were only interested in my money. I had to give them the gift of “no” because continuing to say “yes” was preventing me from helping someone else who had a genuine desire to change. More than anything, I had to stop being an enabler who was actively funding slavery. A few years have passed and that couple is still in the same financial rut they were in when I worked with them. They still are without credit cards, auto loans, and other substantial debt, but they are also still without financial unity, security, and purpose.

What about you? Have you come to terms with the slaves who can always count on you? Have you confronted the people who consistently come to you with their hands out, seeking your investment in their slavery? Are you filling those hands with money or are you walking away and leaving them empty? Don’t you think you should?